THE ALIEN SCIENCE BUS

9:00 Springhill Primary School.

In case you don't know, my name is Danny Weir. But most of the kids at my school call me Danny Weird. Sad isn't it that because you're a bit different people make up names? Anyway, it doesn't bother me.
How am I different? I'll explain. Quite a long time ago, I discovered I had like a sixth sense for detecting anything alien, extra-terrestrial or whatever you want to call it. My Mum says it's because my pram was struck by lightning when I was a baby. My watch brings me out in a rash, my clock radio doesn't keep time and some electric things go wonky when I touch them. What's even stranger is that since I discovered this weird sense, weird stuff seems to follow me around like a stray dog.
But enough introductions, I want to tell you about the day the science bus visited my school.
One day, I'd walked into school thinking it was going to be a normal Monday. Then I saw it, parked in the playground.
'The Science Bus!' I said out loud. It came every year but I'd totally forgotten it was coming this week.
That morning was a blur. Science is cool and I couldn't wait to get on the bus. We had to go in small groups and it seemed like years before my teacher Miss Fish announced, 'Okay Danny, Kev and Biff off you go.'
Biff and Kev made a screwed up face. They weren't the least bit interested in science or even school.
'You're weird for wanting to learn about science,' Biff sneered as soon as we left the classroom.
I turned and looked him up and down. 'Least I don't look like an experiment that went wrong.'
Kev sniggered and Biff elbowed him.
We had only just boarded the bus when disaster struck. Biff tripped on a mat and knocked over the solar system display. The Earth along with Venus, Mars, and Mercury all went rolling around the bus floor. Mr Allen, the bus owner and teacher didn't look very pleased.
'Watch where you're going!' he frowned, 'now hurry and pick them all up before they get lost.'
I grabbed Venus and Mercury while Kev dribbled the Earth like a football. Biff posed with a red planet under his heel. 'Hey look at me, first boy to set foot on the moon!'
'Actually, that's Mars,' I said.
'When you've quite finished, will you please pass them to me?' said Mr Allen.
Mr Allen stuck the polystyrene planets back onto the knitting needles.
Strangely though, he mixed some of them up. And that's when my weird sense kicked in. I suddenly noticed his eyes turn a funny lizard green colour. He caught my eye.
'Well?' he frowned.
'Er, I think you need to swop Mercury and Earth around.'
Mr Allen went a bit red. 'Of course I do, eh just testing to see if you were paying attention,' he stuttered, switching them back.
'Well now let's make a start. First we'll look at forces, and an experiment about wind power,' said Mr Allen.
Kev sniggered, 'I know how to make great wind power. Eat the beans in school dinners.'
I chuckled at Kev's joke, but couldn't believe my ears at Biff's next comment.
'Look at all those batteries. I could do with borrowing some for my gameboy,' he whispered.
Even Kev looked a bit shocked.
'Sure I'd put them back. Hey Kev, we could play Pokemon at lunchtime.'
'It's a bit risky but we'll come back later and see,' said Kev.
'Boys that's enough chatter,' said Mr Allen, 'now who'll help me by holding this balloon?'
I put up my hand but Biff almost snatched the balloon out of Mr Allen's hand. 'I'll do it!'
'Careful you don't take off,' said Kev.
I imagined Biff drifting up through the ceiling hanging by the balloon string and smiled.
'Now hold tight till I fix on this piece of plastic bottle,' said Mr Allen.
Biff made a screwed up face. 'I think I'm going to sneeze!'
'Don't let go of that balloon!'
'Don't worry, I...A..A..Atishoo! Oh dear!'
The balloon shot off around the bus, knocking down a mobile skeleton, tipping over an ant farm, and skimming across a tray of water until it slapped like a wet fish right into Mr Allen's face.
Mr Allen went ballistic. I definitely noticed his eyes turn green and lizardy again. Biff and Kev tried desperately not to laugh but that just made it worse.
I started picking up the skeleton bones then I noticed something crawling on the floor.
'Oh dear!' I said, pointing to the ant farm that had tipped over, 'the ants are escaping!'
Mr Allen was furious. 'Oh for pity's sake, this is all we need. Listen you lot, you'll have to wait outside for a few minutes,' he growled.
'Can I help?' I asked.
'No thanks, I think you've all done enough for now.'
We jumped off the bus. Outside, I was annoyed at Biff. 'This is your fault. We've only got half an hour to go round.'
Biff fiddled with his Gameboy, which was making wonky noises as the batteries were done. ' Humph, who cares!'
'I'm sure Mr Allen could do with some help,' I said, stretching to try and peer through the window. I wasn't tall enough.
'He said he didn't,' Kev shrugged.
'Well he would, wouldn't he. Give us a leg up will you.'
Kev cupped his hands and lifted me up to the bus window. I peeked inside. It was hard to see through the smoky glass but I could just make out Mr Allen setting the ant farm back onto it's table. It looked empty.
'I think all the ants have escaped!' I said, squinting to try and see a bit better. Mr Allen suddenly slammed the table with his hand. I grinned, 'Well, not quite all of them.'
Then I stared in disbelief. Mr Allen lifted the squished ant and popped it into his mouth.
'Ugh!' I choked.
'What is it?' said Kev.
'I..I think I just saw Mr Allen eat an ant.'
A second later Mr Allen stuck his head out the door.
'Get down from there. I don't want any more accidents.'
'Sorry Sir,' I stuttered.
Mr Allen gave me a stare that sent Goosebumps down my spine.
'Right now, you can all come back aboard.'
Inside I noticed the empty ant farm. Mr Allen said he had to put the ants away but he was still chewing.
'What are you eating?' I plucked up the courage to ask.
'Jellybeans. Someone from the last group must've left them,' he explained.
Since when do jellybeans move, I thought. That did it, it was time to open a weird file on Mr Allen.

12:05 School corridor.

At lunch I found a quiet spot and took out my mobile phone. The reason being it was more than just an ordinary mobile phone. Underneath the front cover was a tiny palm computer. My Dad's the boss of a company that makes them. I logged onto the Weird Files.
A big W appeared on the screen. I clicked on File then New.
The screen flashed. New weird file- please input data.
I typed in all the weird things about Mr Allen. Lizard green eyes, mixes up planets, likes to eat ants...
Then I touched Identify. The screen flashed again. Then my fears were confirmed.
Positive trace. Mr Allen = suspect Alien life form.
'I'd be careful not to let that out of my sight,' said a voice behind me. I whirled round
It was Mr Allen. I froze.
'Must've cost a small fortune,' he grinned, 'What are you doing?'
'Eh n.. nothing,' I stuttered.
'I love technology stuff. Can I have a look.'
It was the worst possible question, he could've asked me. If he looked at the screen then...
Suddenly the bell rang. I gasped with relief.
'I have to go, Sir.'
'On you go. Another time maybe,' he said, 'Careful with that phone, eh?'

13:30 School library.

That afternoon in library, I had headed straight to the science section, when a big T-Rex jumped right in front of my eyes.
'Rooooaarr!!!'
I pushed the dinosaur book away from my face only to see another big lizard holding it.
'Very funny Biff,' I smirked.
'Ugh! Science again. I'm getting this one,' Biff proudly announced, 'look it's got a tape of dino noises.'
I noticed the science bookshelf looked very empty. Usually it was stuffed full of books. I told Miss Fish, the teacher.
'I'm afraid we're missing quite a few books, Danny. The headmaster is very concerned. Especially as they all seem to have disappeared only this morning.'
I mentioned that I'd seen a pile of books in the science bus.
'Thanks but we checked with Mr Allen already and he said he hasn't borrowed any,' explained Miss Fish.
Strangely though after school, I noticed Mr Allen sneaking across the playground with an armful of books. I couldn't believe my eyes. Mr Allen looked very suspicious and was trying to put the books inside his jacket to hide them.
Now I was sure Mr Allen was an alien the next thing was to find out exactly what he was up to. I decided there was only one way to find out. I watched Mr Allen get aboard the bus. Moments later, I saw him peering from an upstairs window. Now was my chance. I hurried over to the bus and sneaked aboard.
Tip toeing to the pile of books I quietly flipped open the front covers. They were all Springhill library books. Why would Mr Allen say he hadn't taken them when he had?
Underneath them was a large notebook with a handwritten title. "Invading organisms." It sent a shiver down my spine. Things were starting to make sense... sort of.
Just then I felt something grab my leg. I froze then slowly I looked down. I saw a hand, an arm, and a head. Kev's head.
'Sshh! It's only us,' Said Biff.
Biff and Kev sat crouched behind one of the display cupboards near the front of the bus.
'What are you two doing here. You almost gave me a heart attack.'
'We were trying to borrow some batteries,' said Kev.
'Yeah, till Mr Allen showed up, now we're stuck here. Anyway, what are you doing here?' said Biff.
'I know this is going to sound weird but I think Mr Allen is an alien.'
'You're the only alien around here,' Biff laughed.
'Wow! What's all this?' Kev had opened a cupboard with a ' Do Not Open' notice on it.
'Looks like another stupid experiment,' said Biff, poking at it.
'Don't touch it,' I said, staring in disbelief. Secret experiments, what next?
'I think maybe we should get off now,' I suggested.
Closing the cupboard, we all made a beeline for the door but Biff stopped. 'I've forgotten the batteries.'
'Just leave the batteries,' I said, 'c'mon, he'll be down any minute.'
'Too late. I can hear him,' said Kev.
'I'll only be a sec, chickens.'
We jumped off and left Biff inside.
'Come on.' I said heading for the school gates.
'What about Biff.'
'We can wait for him outside.'
Minutes passed, but there was no sign of Biff then to our horror, the science bus started up and began to pull away.
'But Biff's still on board,' said Kev.
I froze.' He's..he's captured him!'
Kev and I wandered home in a sort of a daze. Neither of us knew what to do.
'Do you really think Mr Allen is some sort of alien?' Kev asked. And for the first time, he was totally serious.
'Positive, Listen we've got to do something. Lets go home and I'll call for you later.'

14:30 Kev's House.

Later, I called for Kev and we cycled round to Biff's. We rang the doorbell.
No answer. I expected as much. Biff had been captured. Mr Allen was probably going to do experiments on him. It was too gruesome to think about.
Kev took out a small card. 'I don't suppose this would help.'
I looked at it. 'A business card. Where did you get it?'
'I found it on the bus.'
'Brilliant. It has Mr Allen's address. And it's not far from here. Quick let's go.'
We rode our bikes round to Mr Allen's. I spotted it a mile away. A big creepy house with a long driveway. And no sign of the science bus.
'Where is he?'
'Search me,' Kev shrugged.
'Doesn't matter, it's a perfect opportunity to have a look round.'
'Eh, do you think we should?'
'Of course. I have to find out what he's up to. Not to mention what he's done with Biff.'
At the end of the driveway was an old garage. 'C'mon we'll check in here first.' I said.
'Wow!' I said peering through a window.
Inside the garage was like a mini science lab, only weirder. There was loads of strange equipment. Test tubes full of odd coloured liquids, tubes and containers and of course, more books scattered about the place.
Suddenly, I had a brainwave.
'Collecting data!' I said, thinking aloud.
Kev frowned. 'Eh?'
I found myself chewing my nails as my brainwave expanded. 'That's what he's doing. He's collecting data from earth and relaying it back to his home planet using that computer.' I pointed to a rather ancient looking computer in the corner.
Kev was looking more and more flustered. 'So what do we do?'
'We have to get inside,' I tugged at the window, 'Gotcha! Give us a leg up.' I asked Kev for the second time that day.
Moments later, we were both standing inside an alien's laboratory.
'Right. I'll erase the computer discs so he can't send any more data back, while you sabotage the equipment.'
'How come you get the easy part?' Kev whinged.
'Using my weird sense is far from easy,' I explained, 'it requires total concentration to de-magnetize the computer discs.'
I had only just got to work when Kev shouted. 'Hey look its Biff's cap on top of this hamster cage.'
I stopped to investigate. 'Now we know Biff was here.'
I peered inside at the little brown and white hamster running on its wheel. Then had an awful thought. 'Or still is here!'
Kev gasped, 'You don't think...Biff... a hamster?'
'It's quite possible. In fact it's more than possible. Aliens have been known to morph human beings in the past. And how else do you explain his cap being there.
'Biff, imprisoned in a cage all day, he'll not be pleased,' said Kev.
'Seems to be enjoying that wheel. But your right, we have to let him go. Quick I'll open the cage and you grab him.'
'Where will I put him?'
'In your pocket or somewhere, C'mon hurry up. I don't fancy being here when Mr Allen shows up.'
I opened the cage door and Kev shoved his hand inside. Biff scurried into the corner and hid in a piece of plastic tube.
'Come on, Biff. I'm trying to do you a favour,' Kev scolded, lifting up one end of the tube. Biff slowly slid out onto a pile of straw and Kev grabbed him.
'Don't squeeze him!'
'Not likely or he'll thump me later when it wears off.'
'What makes you think it'll wear off?' I said.
Kev looked horrified and lifted Biff up to his face. 'You mean he might always be a hamster.'
'Quite possible,' I said.
Kev went to put Biff in his pocket but he wriggled free and jumped onto the table with all the experiments on it.
'Kev, you idiot! He's getting away!' I cried.
You'd think things couldn't have got any worse. They did. Thanks to the appearance of a big black cat at the window.
With a loud 'Meow!' It pounced at Biff, only narrowly missing him before skidding into one of the experiments. A whole bunch of plastic containers and test tubes crashed onto the floor. Biff scurried down the table leg and onto the floor, making a beeline (or hamster-line) for a gap under the garage door. The cat in a spectacular acrobatic leap dived off the table after him.
'Run, Biff! I shouted.
Amazingly, he darted just in time under the gap to safety. The cat stared, angrily under the door.
'He's gone!' Kev gasped. 'We might never see him again.'
I surveyed the damage. 'Well I suppose that takes care of the sabotage.'
'I'm getting out of here.' said Kev.
'Great idea,' I agreed.
We cycled up the road keeping our eyes peeled for a stray beige and white hamster.
Then Kev shouted. 'There he is now!'
'Where?' I shouted, thinking he meant Biff. But he pointed up the road.
To my horror I suddenly realized the science bus heading straight towards us.
Mr. Allen was behind the wheel and driving very fast, his green eyes staring out angrily.
'Quick turn before he sees us!' I cried.
'It's like he's sensed something's wrong,' Kev said.
We skidded our bikes in a u-turn and pedalled like mad back around the corner. I could almost feel Mr Allen's eyes burning into my back as I pedalled.
'We've got to get out of sight somehow,' I shouted.
Mr Allen was driving like a demon and gaining on us every second. I glanced back. He was munching, as usual on some horrible ants or something.
Suddenly, Kev's bike hit a bump and he swerved into a driveway. Without thinking I followed him and in an instant we were both flying, headfirst over the handlebars behind a hedge. Landing in the grass, I looked up to see the science bus zoom past.
'Don't move. I think we shook him,' I said.
'I don't think I can move,' said Kev rubbing his back.
I peered through a gap in the hedge and watched the bus turn the corner. 'All clear!'
'He's gonna die when he sees his garage!' said Kev.
'Maybe not die but let's hope it sends him packing, back to whatever part of the galaxy he's from.'

Next Day 09:10 School Assembly

And that's pretty much it. File Closed. But you should know about the pathetic way Mr. Allen tried to cover everything up.
When I got to school, Biff had returned, babbling on about how great Mr. Allen was and how he had showed him some really cool experiments and, wait for it, how HE (Biff Donnelly) wanted to be a scientist when he grew up. Can you believe it? Obviously, Mr. Allen had powers over mind as well as matter.
Of course the science bus was nowhere to be seen as I expected.
'I'm afraid I have a disappointing announcement for those still to get round the science bus' Miss Fish announced at assembly. Mr. Allen has had to cut short his visit this year. He's busy studying for a very difficult exam called a 'thesis', and has been finding it hard to concentrate. Added to that he's had a bit of a mishap with some computer notes and experiments.
Pull the other one, I thought, more like getting a very big telling off from alien HQ somewhere in the galaxy. I was very pleased with myself. Another catastropheSorry, your browser doesn't support Java(tm). avoided thanks to Danny Weir, with a very tiny, insignificant bit of help from Kev who went back to hanging around with Biff and calling me 'Weird'.
Anyway I have to sign off now; it's time for next lesson....science! The End

Copyright © 2002 Derek Keilty. All rights reserved.

BACK to Other Titles